Team Sports

I've always been an independent person when it comes to sports. I judge how I feel about the game based off of my performance, I blame all the time I wrestled.

Its a team sport because every individual plays a part. Everyone has a role. In order for the team to succeed, I must succeed. I didn't tonight. That's going to change.

I'm in control of my own performance. I need to stop relying on everyone else in order to be a true team player.

That is my downfall.

been running my ass off, never enjoyed anywhere near as much as i do now... i don't know if its the company, i dont know if its being able to track it all with my ipod, or even just running outside... but its pretty awesome.

anyway, i havent updated in a while. lifes ok... not too crazy. class starts thursday, a little nervous.

well... i guess the last post i made didnt exactly work for whatever reason... i posted via text message....

Don't remember what i said...

so...

I don't know.

I scheduled for classes today.. I am taking anthropology, ethics, and comparative religion. 15 credit hours. And i will do anything and everything it takes to make it through this quarter. I'll quit my job if i have to.

In other news i applied to twin valley behavioral center, and im going to apply to childrens hospital and netcare either today or tomorrow... also did some touching up to my resume. shits gonna be sweet. I need a new job like palin needs a new career.

zing!

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black eyes and life decisions

I think i found a boxing gym. Its expensive though... But im really excited. The way it works you have to sign up for at least 3 or 4 one on one sparring sessions with one of their trainers, and then you can show up to open sparring. these one on one training sessions are 40 bucks for an hour. yes... an hour. Or you can go with someone else and split the price to 20 a piece. Or... you can buy then in bulk. i forget that price. But then you can jut show up to the open sparring at 20 bucks a week. Its gonna kill my wallet. but i think it will be worth it in the long run. Ill be able to get into better shape, and have a good time while doing it. Plus I've always thought that i looked good with a black eye and a fat lip. Plus.... they compete. So all of my friends, such as you reading this, can come watch me get that black eye, and that fat lip. Who doesn't want to see me get knocked out?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've been trying to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life... again.... I've been thinking about 3 (plus) options...
1. firefighting in Iraq. It might be tough to do... but its 100k a year. It gets me outta the us. It gets me fire experience. It stalls my life for at least 1 year.
2. trying to join the military again. Why? cause i don't know what else to do, I don't want to work a medcorp he rest of my life. I'll always be in shape.
3. finishing my philosophy degree, then going to mount carmel's accelerated nursing program. I've been thinking about going to OSU again next quarter... just applying to newark campus.
(plus). applying to various nursing schools and finding out that I can't get in because i slacked too much at cscc.

I really need to do something with my life. Im tired of being nothing. I want to be somebody. I want to do something.

this week has been a crazy week at work. I worked monday 7-7, tuesday on call 7-7, got called in 1-730, wednesday 7-7, thursday 8-8, friday 8-6, saturday 7-7

im really excited about tomorrow, friday's, shift. Im "float" which typically means that you work for the officer on duty so that they can get paperwork done. Well... there is no lt on duty tomorrow, and either way it would have to be a medic that take their place. I then saw on the schedule that the officer from the day previous, today, is off when i get on. so he cant try and send me home or what not. then i also saw... the captain and director are working a special event and will be gone an hour before i get in.... those are the only two people with authority over me that are at station other than a lt... so what does this mean? im being paid to sleep and watch tv tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA take that shitty medcorp.

another day another dollar

Im sitting at work, no runs yet this morning. But this is going to be a very very busy week. I work12 hour days 5 days this week, and am on call for another 24.... As much as i complain about my job, i really do enjoy it. I just wish it was a more serious place to work. Im tired of my boss, if thats what you want to call him. Im still working on getting my 6 month review, which has easily turned into a 10 month review... Which is bullshit... but thats another story.

Things are good... i guess.... Im finally starting to hang out with a bunch of old friends that i haven't hung out with in a while, and also making some new ones. Girl situation is... well... it is.

Ive been playing a lot of soccer lately, its a blast. I don't remember why i ever stopped playing, because.. well, i haven't had this much fun in a long time. The only problem with it is, i feel like an old man. Every time we have practice i get all achey, and sore. Not a good sore, like i just worked out sore, but a sore like i just pulled something. For example yesterday i pulled my right quad at our game. So far we are 0-1-2... 2 ties? yes. Yesterday we should have destroyed. But... we didnt. we were a person short the entire game, and still managed to be ahead most of the game. I like how all of the games are real close. It makes me want to get competitive. Which for the most part im not.

Ive been looking for boxing gyms. I really really really want to fight. Maybe it will help me get rid of some of this built up aggression. I can only hope. Just gotta find something that i can fit in my schedule that isnt gonna cost me an arm and a leg.

well.... i suppose i should try and get some sleep. 12 hour shifts are pretty exhausting. especially when you are working 5 in 6 days.

Pauls to do list
lose weight
start boxing
lose weight
play soccer year round
start guitar lessons
lose weight
gain confidence
feel like myself again
lose weight

I cannot wait for June to be over. Most disapointing month in my life.

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.

Another day, another dollar.

Been working too much, more than normal. The past three or four weeks I have been working around 50-60 hours opposing the normal 40. Its been rough. Buuut. it will show up in my paychecks. So its all good.

Normally everytime that I move out of my parents house around halfway through the lease i realize how expensive living on your own is, and end up moving back. I'm proud to say that has yet to happen. In fact... I think I am doing better than what I would be if I was back at home. Why? well... Because i have a social life. thats why. I have also noticed that Fishking and Jared are becoming really good friends. Also Jareds girlfriend Alisa, whom i did not know, turns out to be really cool. I like my living situation, and although its gonna suck to move out in August, as i won't live with any of them, it will still be nice to save some money up.

On another subject.... I think i have stress fractures in both of my arms. in either the radius or ulna. I noticed it when i started to work at Medcorp. Whenever i had a bigger patient my arms would feel like they were bending... in places they aren't supposed to... and hurt, a lot... I went a while without a bigger patient, and after a while the pain just went away... that is until the weekend before last, when yours truly was pooped, and decided to take a round playing goalie. 2 amazing saves later, one with the left arm, one with the right. Then i found myself in a loooot of pain. Any now I'm back to square one, where my arms hurt like crazy. I should probably see a doctor.... but if i did break my arms... goodbye job... goodbye money for bills, rent, utilities. Oh well... whats the fun in going to see the doctor anyway.

still no word on the OSUMC pca positions...

Life's been good.

Been spending way too much time at work, as usual. Yesterday, memorial day, with double time i made over 200 bucks. which was pretty amazing. Its nice to know that if i really wanted to i could pay off my rent in less than a week.

In other news i have a girlfriend... But thats a whole different story. Which i dont wanna get into right now.

So my plans for this summer financially
1. Pay off all of my debt.
2. Buy a car.
3. If i have time left, buy a motorcycle.

Im tired

of not relating to anyone.

ahh.

So life is all the same. I wake up in the same bed as i did a month ago, Walk down the same stairs to get to my car, Drive the same car to the same school, Then go to the same computer lab to work on the homework for the same classes.

But... Im not tired of this Same yet. ..

..

yet.

http://www.misternicehands.com/

my new tattoo....

So I finally decided on my new tattoo.

Im going to get the eternal knot, another one of the eight auspicious symbols of Buddhism. but thats just a coincidence. Not the reason for the tattoo...ut

but anyway... im gonna get it all black, about 3 inches thick, and then have it altered so it goes all the way around my calf. a little above halfway between my knee and ankle on my right calf.

I think im gonna start a food blog... Where i take pictures of all the delicious food I made, along with how i made it.

Im making a delicious pizza. or at least the sauce..
I made it from scratch using about 13 vine ripened tomatoes that i peeled, the chopped, then let sit in their own juice with some salt and pepper for a while. While that was sitting i got a pot, put in a small layer of oil, set the burner to high. I then Finely chopped a garlic clove, and a very little bit of onion. and put it in the superheated oil. I was hoping it would melt. Like the last time i did it... but it didnt... but... it still looked good, so i went with it. I then poured my tomato mixture inside, and turned the burner down so it was on a slow boil. I let a lot of the water boil off while mashing the tomatoes so it turned into more of a sauce, less of a stew. Then i added some siracha. My favorite sauce. yum! Then i also added some crushed red peppers.
Continued boiling it off, and mashing the tomatoes.

it looks delish. Its cooling off right now. I think im not gonna make the pizza today, and save the sauce for this weekend.

shit looks gooooooood.

Future.

So ive been thinking a lot lately. about my future and whatnot...

I am already dead set on nursing. I wanna see and do crazy things every day.. plus nurses make good money. And I wont have any problem getting a job.

But... As far as nursing goes... this is what I want to do.
Only... longer... if not permanent.

I was watching Anthony Bourdain's no reservations earlier today and he was in Vietnam. I am proud to say that i recognized a lot of the food that they were eating. I saw Pho, bun bo hue, and Bahn Xeo. But... what i was getting at is that I would love to try and become a nurse in Vietnam, or some other asian country.

I told my parents I wanted to go there, they asked me how much a ticket was, and i said i would only need one way. hahaha. They were cool with it. But... I think thats what im gonna do. Maybe. Only time will tell.

off to a great start of the day.

getting written up for something thats not my fault that happened at work, by the laziest employee the company has ever seen.

pissed.

Haha

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"How much do I owe you?" he says.

"For you," says the bartender, "no charge."

blogger is being a jerk and not uploading this picture...

so... here

http://www.wegame.com/view/gorden_freeman_break_in/sizes/

I remember what i missed most about living on campus with friends..

just the random ass reminiscing. Its my first night at the 13th house and shit is already awesome. JayBay, Fishking and I, along with Their better halves, just spent a good hour or so talking about some of the crazy shit we did in high school. The sex/drugs/rock n roll. At my parents house i hardly left my room. True Otaku style.
I got my room almost all set up. Well.... almost... I need another bookcase or something because i dont have anywhere to put my dvds and random shit like that. I got halfway through unpacking and realized how much random shit i really have. Then i just stopped and boxed some of it back up. Hahaha.

well. Im gonna be lame an non social cause i was social all day. Time to play Persona 4.

moving out this weekend.

****edit****
Saturday.

My car broke down... again...

Only this time on my way home from work... The alternator went out. Battery started to die on the way home. first went the cruise control, then the radio, then the engine. On 161... between sunbury road, and little turtle way. The neighborhood i live in. less than 5 minutes away.

the worst part

Instead of driving less than five minutes to pick me up in my stalled, non running, no radio, no heat, no nothing but cars driving 5 inches away at 65 and higher miles per hour, Car... my mom makes me wait almost an hour for the tow truck that will be there in 30 minutes with a complete stranger to pick me up. Who doesn't know I need a ride home by the way.

a whole FIVE FUCKING MINUTES... not too difficult..

If it had happened to her. I would have been there. It has happened to one of my brothers numerous times. But no. No one can fucking pick Paul up.

I am so fucking pissed right now. I'm moving out next month. No longer really care what happens to my financial situation, or my car. I am NOT living in this household anymore. At this point I would rather be homeless.

My mind is a giant cluster fuck of profanities and various forms of anger towards my mother. If that's what you want to call her.

decisions decisions...

so... a buddy if mine needs to sublet his apartment out for the next six months... he lives on campus on the east side of 11th... less than 250 a month. 40 for gas. 25 for electricity. no water. this would be about 1 paycheck a month out of 3 - 4 depending on the month...3 room mates. I know them all, and am friends with them all... offered to pay all but 100 of the first months rent if i moved in..

but... if i move in... and i going to end up doing what i always do and turn the apartment into a place where i store all my junk while i live at my parents house? not really sure what to do. I miss living on my own.. I really really really really really hate living with my parents. I miss my independence. but I always do, and always do the same thing.

but its also a 6 month lease, not 12 months... hmmmm.....

decisions decisions.

to be 16 again.

So i had a little girl as a patient today... not too little, but 16...

I felt bad for her. so bad. She was going from one psych ward into a residence. We got in there, and she sat on our cot all timid. She was carrying a four in thick book and one of those black and white marble notebook with two golf pencils inside.... The right in front of the patient a nurse comes up and tells us that if we allow her to have a pencil on the ride we will have to watch her... Im sorry.. i dont really care what the patient does with the pencil, the patient is fully aware of their surroundings... you really shouldnt just say that in front of the patient and make them feel like they are the smallest person ever. I would be pissed. Where is the sympathy? what if you were in her fucking shoes.

Ridiculous.

so anyways. we let her have the pencils. someone is in the back if need be. which it doesnt look like it will.

We are taking her all the way past toledo. Its about a two hour and fifteen minute drive. Im driving the way there. The patient... ill name her..... Jess.... Jess all of a sudden brightened up. you could tell she really did not want to be there. She was timid. sooo timid. as we got into the elevator she got the nerve to ask us a question. "can we listen to the radio? i would like that a lot..."
to which we said yes, and would let her pick the station. to my demise she chose sunny 95. bdffasdfsdkjfakjdfasf.

so anyway.... we get into the truck. i let our dispatch know im transporting, starting mileage.. blah blah blah... and i crank the radio.. there are no speakers in the back, only the front cab, so i have to deafen myself to make them able to hear it.

So anyway... a little over 2 hours later we get to the extended care facility and wheel jess in. We then decide to let her off the cot and walk in because it is less embarassing for her. I felt so bad for her. She was a cute girl. She was so.... Innocent.. or so it seemed. Later found out she was in there for Bulemia and Annorexia. She then got so tired of people trying to help her with her disorders that she threatened to kill herself, and then carved something into the inside of one of her forearms, and later took a bunch of ibeprofean. Not to kill herself, but to... i guess... release the tension.. make everyone stop talking about food..

anyways.. I felt really bad for her. I havent exactly been in the same situation, but still.. I know what its like to have a million people crowding you, looking over you, tying to help, and by helping making everything worse. It was sad.... She will remain one of my favorite patients.

poor jess.

work n such...

As usual I have been working way too much... a girl I work with had to go to cambridge to attend to her niece who was having surgery, so i worked the second half of her shift tonight with my dude Mooney. Good guy. He was in my firefighting (240) class. So anyway.. our dispatcher likes me, and she hooked us up. so all we had were a couple of net care runs, and then we went out for pizza. hahahahahaha. I love having the hook up.

But anyway we went back to station afterward. Luckily I got my pay stub for tomorrow early, and I GOT PAID!!! yes. So thats good. my job has this tendency to forget to pay me...

I don't really know what this journal entry is about, i just haven't updated in quite a while.

Im watching the second DeathNote live action movie, and the intro music is Dani California by the Chili Peppers. Thought that was amazing, because it is a Japanese Movie. One of these days... I wanna go to Japan so badly. I would settle for anywhere outside Ohio at this point on a non-work related trip.

so... who wants to go on a road trip?

Think im gonna buy a PS3

A 60 gig, which is also backwards compatible is only $430 used.. not too bad. plus my next check will be huge. Plus then I can vedge out playing sid meier's civilation for hours on end.

I'm watching The Wackness... its fuckin awesome. If you haven't seen it, then you should really check it out. Its really weird that the main character grew up in roles on Nickelodeon and now he is doing a movie where he is a drug dealer.. shit is weird. Kind of reminds me of Garden State. Dont know why.

I hate valentines day. Have i mentioned that at all?

Ugh, don't wanna go to work tomorrow. really wanna hear back about a job at Mt. Carmel that would pretty much make me the happiest kid ever.

I am REALLY tired of being pressured by people to try and make me do shit. I am old enough to make my own decisions. I know what I want, and I'm going to work towards that. Not working at MedCorp for the rest of my life.

on that note..... Night.


*****edit.
just noticed the guy from the main character from The Wackness.. kid who was a nick actor. His name is Josh Peck. Making him cool. Wonder if im related?

Make Films, Not War.

Ive realized i have an obsession with Foreign Films. I was looking at my Netflix home page and every recommendation they had for me was Japanese, or some other sort of foreign film.

I dont really like American movies... I mean... crashes, gun shots and explosions are great and all, but I'd rather have a substantial story.

Plus i like reading subtitles, otherwise i have trouble paying attention.


I was watching the Japanorama (BBC special on Japanese pop culture) that my dad downloaded for me forever ago. Freakin love that show. But anyway... I added a couple of new movies i saw on that show which are coming today. Im really excited. First is the Calamari Wrestler ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0428662/ ) and second is Executive Koala ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830581/ ) They look amazing and cheesey. Love it.

I really need to go to Japan.

Happy singles awareness day!

Ugh.

Goin to a bar with my dudes the Andys.