to be 16 again.

So i had a little girl as a patient today... not too little, but 16...

I felt bad for her. so bad. She was going from one psych ward into a residence. We got in there, and she sat on our cot all timid. She was carrying a four in thick book and one of those black and white marble notebook with two golf pencils inside.... The right in front of the patient a nurse comes up and tells us that if we allow her to have a pencil on the ride we will have to watch her... Im sorry.. i dont really care what the patient does with the pencil, the patient is fully aware of their surroundings... you really shouldnt just say that in front of the patient and make them feel like they are the smallest person ever. I would be pissed. Where is the sympathy? what if you were in her fucking shoes.

Ridiculous.

so anyways. we let her have the pencils. someone is in the back if need be. which it doesnt look like it will.

We are taking her all the way past toledo. Its about a two hour and fifteen minute drive. Im driving the way there. The patient... ill name her..... Jess.... Jess all of a sudden brightened up. you could tell she really did not want to be there. She was timid. sooo timid. as we got into the elevator she got the nerve to ask us a question. "can we listen to the radio? i would like that a lot..."
to which we said yes, and would let her pick the station. to my demise she chose sunny 95. bdffasdfsdkjfakjdfasf.

so anyway.... we get into the truck. i let our dispatch know im transporting, starting mileage.. blah blah blah... and i crank the radio.. there are no speakers in the back, only the front cab, so i have to deafen myself to make them able to hear it.

So anyway... a little over 2 hours later we get to the extended care facility and wheel jess in. We then decide to let her off the cot and walk in because it is less embarassing for her. I felt so bad for her. She was a cute girl. She was so.... Innocent.. or so it seemed. Later found out she was in there for Bulemia and Annorexia. She then got so tired of people trying to help her with her disorders that she threatened to kill herself, and then carved something into the inside of one of her forearms, and later took a bunch of ibeprofean. Not to kill herself, but to... i guess... release the tension.. make everyone stop talking about food..

anyways.. I felt really bad for her. I havent exactly been in the same situation, but still.. I know what its like to have a million people crowding you, looking over you, tying to help, and by helping making everything worse. It was sad.... She will remain one of my favorite patients.

poor jess.